Alone, together

revving the engine
while the car is in park won’t get you anywhere, but frustrated
I know the desire to go
somewhere
anywhere
the feeling of being stuck
I know the dreamy state of looking out the window and wishing you could walk away
run an errand
go have coffee with a friend
but, you can’t
you are bored and restless
it’s shocking how hard it is to stay put
it is a struggle just to sit still and be where you are
all you do is think
how did this happen
why did it happen
FYI
this is what it feels like to be home in a wheelchair
now the question is...
how do we do isolation, together?
it’s a weird thing, right?
we all have our routines
daily habits
things we do on our own
and other people, aren’t usually a part of it
I’m curious on the psychology of all of us alone, together
when I signed on to the clinical trial
I agreed to a month in isolation
I’d have doctors rounding each morning
nurses throughout the day and night
all of them gowned, gloved and masked
I wasn’t
I was vulnerable and alone and scared and bored
Their protection of me, kept me alive
Their diligence allowed me to live through it
I learned to meditate in that room
I prayed a lot and I cried
I heard that a Martha Stewart used her incarceration like a school
she said she wanted to read good books and have good conversations
she wanted to learn and come out better
I used that as inspiration and I tried very hard to be brave
I did go home better
But, I had a fear of every cough and sneeze
I wasn’t allowed to go to church, restaurants or movies for the first 100 days
I had to carry alcohol wipes everywhere and wipe down everything I would touch
I was terrified of doorknobs and handrails, handshakes and hugs
public outings were a gamble and I never felt completely safe, anywhere
now, the whole world is experiencing this
and it’s somewhat surreal
I was never allowed in a crowd
I never thought anyone could relate or would understand the weird reality I was living
now, millions of people who are healthy
are now afraid
I can not imagine what isolation would have been like with someone else there
that time alone was my cocoon
I felt like to come back, a part of me had to die
the old me, ceased to exist
habits and things that I held onto
I had to let go of
my recovery was a reboot
I was happier to see Michel at the end of it than maybe anything else, ever
and here we all are
in isolation, together
how do you all accommodate this other person in your routine
we all have this fantastic gift of time, to be together and a rediscovering of who we are
we can recover all that we knew and loved and have forgotten
I am certain, I am home with the right person
I am also certain that this will be a change and a challenge
we are kings and queens of convenience
Transforming can’t be ordered on Amazon Prime
It takes allowing
It takes deep breaths
It takes patience
I hope everybody reading this is healthy
Reconnecting
Remembering
Reviving what’s imperative to you and your daily life
We can relearn a way of doing our day
We can open up to quiet
We can remember who we are
Who we always wanted to be
We can come out of this isolation, improved
Versions of ourself that we are proud of
We will all binge watch tv but let’s also daydream
Read good books
Play board games
Try new recipes
Put our phones down and talk to each other
Take this time like Martha
Learn something
Share something
Come out better than before