Factory settings
I’ve been thinking lately about what I am thinking
What is really going on in my mind
I’ve discovered that my default setting the past few years has been fear and a lot of anxiety
I didn’t used to be this way
I never worried about much of anything
I looked for and found the joy, everywhere
All the time
For the three years or so, of the really bad part of my illness
The floor came out from under us
I fell down a rabbit hole of hospitals, drugs, home health aids and nothing going right
But, then it did
Slowly things started working again
My persistence in physical therapy and my determination not to quit, was solid
But, somehow way down deep
The fear found a home and never left
I spooked more easily
Doubted more
Dreaded the unknown
Michael is constantly saying,” 90% of everything you worry about is never going to happen.”
It’s true and he points it out after every time I’ve worried and nothing happened
So, are my factory settings up to me to change?
Yes, I believe they are
It’s requiring an intense level of attention
Every thought is monitored
Every time I feel fear creeping in
I stop and think
This can go well
This can be fun
This can be smooth and easy
It’s shocking to realize how much space in me anxiety has taken up
And how easy it is to let it go
And how fast it comes right back
Each thought gets an opposite and positive one
Over and over
At first it seemed like too much
Now, it’s become fun to see the quick results
Making sure my default settings stay on joy is now a priority
It feels too good
When you relinquish your fear and loosen your grip
Life really does, just flow
Like picking up oars out of the water
And letting the boat float with the current
It’s effortless
And very enjoyable
Richard Rohr says “How you do anything is how you do everything.Our job as conscious humans is to awaken early to this innate beauty and goodness in all of creation. Why wait until heaven when we can enjoy the Divine Flow in all of nature now? Being fully present to the soul of all things allows us to say, “This is good. This is enough. In fact, this is all I need.”
Yes, Father Rohr, yes!