Anticipation…

“Saturday I'm running wild
And all the lights are changing red to green
Moving through the crowd I'm pushing
Chemicals all rushing through my bloodstream
Only wish that you were here
You know I'm seeing it so clear” lyrics by David Gray

I’ve been thinking about anticipation lately
The kind that makes you feel excited when you are really looking forward to something 
It’s making me curious about who I used to be 
Versus who I am now
I have lots of memories of getting ready to go out
In my twenties, meeting my friends 
The flutter in my stomach 
The turning around in front of the mirror 
The grin just thinking about what fun was going to be had
The thrill of the unknown that the night had to offer
The taste of lipgloss 
The feeling of excitement
The songs on the radio escalating my desire to dance
It’s been a long time since I felt like that and that version of me, is long gone
But is what’s left, truly me?
Distilled down and refined 
Restored 
Responsible 
Makes me feel old and also makes me wonder about what will excite me this year
What will make me grin, just thinking about it
What possibilities are ahead of me
What music will make me want to dance again 
Does anyone else feel like this?
Curious 
Older but wiser
Not done by a long shot but needing a new direction?
What will the next chapter be?
What characters will enter the scene?
Which ones will exit?
What do we want? 
Really want, deep inside where the memories of our old selves still exist
Who can the refined version of you, bring to life?
It’s the thrill of a new year 
All the unknowns lay ahead 
I’ll turn in front of the mirror and check my reflection 
And grin, with anticipation