Fundamentally changed

What fundamentally changed you?
I’m guessing for a lot of you the answer would be having a child
Some it could be cancer
Or winning the lottery 
Or losing a loved one
I recently had to take a financial risk assessment 
Michael is retiring the end of next year and we are getting our ducks in order, so to speak 
I’m answering the questions and it occurs to me
I’m fundamentally changed 
I’m way more concerned now
I’m afraid more than I will admit
I think being unstable on my own feet for so long
Has made the ground beneath me, feel shaky
I invested in my twenties 
I was very high risk
I was so confident 
I was so sure I would be ok, either way
Ten years after a catastrophic illness 
I’ve lost that somewhere 
How do I find that version of myself again?
Is it even possible?
Is that what fundamentally changed really means?
I don’t want this insecure version to be permanent 
I don’t want to be hesitant 
Everything went wrong for so long
But, it all went right as well
I’m better 
I’m living and breathing and walking around 
I’m cooking and driving and looking forward to what’s next 
Everything is possible 
Maybe the pieces of me that were left along the way will find their way back 
Courage 
Tenacity 
Determination 
Blessed assurance 
That I may be changed fundamentally, for the best