Saying thank you for the struggle

As I look back on the last ten years
It’s hard not to be nostalgic
To think of what might have been
How the store would have looked
The life I would have had healthy
But, a storm came in the way of an autoimmune
It blindsided me and took me down fast
From first symptoms to wheelchair was five months
I never had a chance
I was in survivor mode and trying to hold on with hands that wouldn’t work
But, I was held
Michael was there in every single way, every single minute
My family and friends were too
The struggle was horrible
I fought with everything in me to get better
I tried anything and everything anyone suggested
I am now ready to say
I’m grateful for all of it
The pain helped me learn compassion
The loss of control taught me humility
The help I received made me see service that I want to emulate
I learned how find humor in the darkest places
The love I was given made me know love in a completely new way
The God I thought that was up there, somewhere
I discovered is down here with me, all the time
My husband has always said that my illness gave him the second chance to be the man God created him to be
I now see that the same is true for me
The me that is emerging is softer and more curious
Kinder and slower to judge
I’m way more grateful and aware that everything is spiritual
The illness brought in unimaginable gifts
It’s given me time to reimagine myself
It’s shaping me into a better version and I don’t mean physically ( although I really do miss skinny jeans)
I’m learning how to just be in this life
I still get cranky and have bad days but they are far less than before
Saying thank you for the struggle is acknowledging that I made it through something really hard
I have been broken but not defeated
I know some of you who will read this are in your own valley
The belly of the beast is real and if you’re in there
Hang on
Help comes and
Hope is a powerful force
Pray, plead and beg if you need to and just know
Tomorrow is another day to try again
Ram Dass famously said, “we are all just walking each other home”
No one gets through this life unscathed
We will all have storms
So, when they come I hope you can re-emerge saying thank you
Even if it takes you a decade